The Great Hogwarts Love Controversy
by Nancy D
Summary: Er... let's just say 40 people = 20 couples, add Voldemort, some love potion, and two surprise guests and you get The Great Hogwarts Love Controverse!! Please Read and Review!


Disclaimer: I don't own the people or the setting, among other things, nor do I own the idea, I'm sure it's been done before. However, Hogwarts and all things Potter belong to the glorious J. K. Rowling.  
  
  
A/N: This will be weird. I picked the names at Complete Random, so it shall be interesting. For the sake of the story, it takes place during the Third Book and Voldie has already risen. Sorry folks. Oh ya, and the whole bit about Sirius, never happened. Well what was I supposed to do? Sirius needs to be in the story, but so do Percy and Oliver, so I needed to alter things a bit. Hope it doesn't get too confusing for you. :)   
  
Well, on second thought, it might, because this story includes 39 of our favorite (and not so favorite) Harry Potter characters plus myself (I just *had* to join in on the fun!) and we're all separated into couples. Oh, joy. This should be grand. And I'll have you know, the couples were picked arbitrarily, so some of the couples aren't that probable, if even possible. Oh, and also for the sake of the story, I'm British. Those American exchange student stories really bother me. I've also been in Gryffindor all along; I'm just a year above Harry and co. Well, have fun…   
  
  
  
  
Er…Here Goes?  
  
  
  
Chapter One  
  
It was September 1st. The Hogwarts students were gathered in the Great Hall for the start of term feast. The Sorting had taken place, and the eating had begun. After dinner, Professor McGonagall did that classic 'we're getting married' sort of thing where you ding on the wine glass with a fork and the whole hall got quiet. Dumbledore stood up to have his 'few words' he always had at a feast.  
  
"Welcome everyone to another school year. I hope you were all fed and delighted by this wonderful feast, and now ready to endure some of my start of term announcements. As always, our caretaker Mr. Filch would like me to remind you about the Dark Forest being out-of-bounds. I would also like you to take note that we have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Remus Lupin." Everyone clapped. "Professor Lupin would like me to introduce you to his assistant Mr. Sirius Black." Everyone clapped again, but all of a sudden the Great Hall Door flew open.   
  
Several people screamed and everyone started talking at once. After a few failed attempts, Professor McGonagall finally managed to quiet everyone down. After this, she made her way to the front of the Great Hall where stood three shadowy figures – two of them holding hostages.  
  
"W-who goes there?" she called.  
  
"It is I, Lord Voldemort and my faithful servants Wormtail and Lucius," replied a raspy voice.  
  
"…Oh…" replied Professor McGonagall, faintly. Whatever she was expecting, it wasn't that. "…Do come in…?"   
  
"Thank you," said Voldemort. He walked in amid screams and gasps from the entire crowd, followed by Lucius and Wormtail who each grasped onto another person.  
  
Dumbledore stood up. "What business do you have, entering into my school at the Start of Term Feast?" he inquired.  
  
Voldemort laughed. "I am Lord Voldemort! Second to the Devil himself! Need you any other reason?" This was followed by an uneasy silence. "Yeah, that's what I thought, twit," said Voldemort with a sarcastic grin.  
  
"How – dare – you – insult – Albus – Dumbledore!" said Professor McGonagall, wand out, exasperated with fury.  
  
"Uh-oh, bad idea…" said a voice from the crowd.   
  
Instantly, Voldemort brandished his own wand and all but very few fled, leaving the Great Hall entirely empty except for Dumbledore, Snape, Lupin, Sirius, Hagrid, Madam Hooch, Professor Trelawney, Professor Sinistra, Madam Pomphrey, Professor Sprout, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron, Fred, George, Ginny, and Percy Weasley, Parvati and Padma Patil, Neville Longbottom, Lavender Brown, Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, Oliver Wood, Millicent Bulstrode, Penelope Clearwater, Pansy Parkinson, Alicia Spinnet, Angelina Johnson, Katie Bell, Nancy, Voldemort, Pettigrew, Lucius Malfoy, the two hostages, and Professor McGonagall who had now turned into a cat.  
  
"Mwahahahahaha!!!" Voldemort laughed evilly. With a flick of his wand, the doors had shut leaving the forty of them trapped inside the great hall with no escape.   
  
"WELL DON'T JUST STAND THERE, DO SOMETHING!" yelled one of the forty.  
  
Everyone turned to Dumbledore, who said stupidly, "Oh, yes." He allowed himself a chuckle before fishing around in his robes for his wand. "Hmm, where is it? Oh, damn it I left it in my other robes. Hmm, what shall I do?"   
  
"Oh for God's sakes," said Snape, pulling a potion out of his pocket and tossing it to Dumbledore.  
  
"Oh thank you, Severus, what is it?"  
  
"It's a love potion I confiscated from a few fifth year Ravenclaw girls who were stupidly throwing it around before the feast. It's all I can offer you, but be careful, its fumes can be deadly."  
  
But Dumbledore didn't listen. Before Snape could say anything more, Dumbledore had opened the bottle in front of the whole hall, and Snape was right about the fumes being deadly. You could literally see the thick purple smog leave the mouth of the flask and float through the Great Hall. From this moment on, every one person in the room would fall in love with another, and the results could be fatal.   
  
At this point, I would like to switch to 'play' format, as it is much easier for writing this type of story in. So, Happy Loving, or whatever I should say I don't know, but my work here is done. Now, it's all up to you.   
  
Voldmort: ::puts away his wand and a silly grin comes over his face:: Thank you, Professor Dumbledore. I believe that was something we all needed. ::attention is diverted to the hostage that Wormtail is carrying.:: o_O What an ass!   
  
Hostage: ::to Voldie:: Ooh, what a manly man! ::to Wormtail:: Get off of me! ::runs over to Voldimort::  
  
Voldie: ::embraces the woman and starts making out with her::  
  
Harry: ::sees the woman making out with Voldemort:: AUNT PETUNIA?!!  
  
Petunia: ::sees Harry:: What's he doing here?  
  
Voldemort: I don't know, but I don't want him watching, let's go somewhere private.  
  
Petunia: I'm with you.   
  
Voldemort: ::lifts up Aunt Petunia and goes to find a closet::  
  
Penalope Clearwater: ::to Harry:: That's YOUR Aunt?  
  
Harry: ::blushing:: Yeah.  
  
Penalope: She is *sooo* unlike you!  
  
Harry: I know, it's harsh.  
  
Penalope: ::breathy voice:: It must be, but I understand…  
  
Harry: o_O  
  
Crowd: Ooohhhh!  
  
Percy: ::walks over to Harry:: What do you think you're doing, looking at my girlfriend like that?  
  
Harry: ::mouth hanging open looking at Penelope:: Like what?  
  
Percy: You know bloody well what! I – hey…  
  
Lavender: ::waving:: Hi Percy.  
  
Percy: Hi Lavender. ::goes and embraces Lavender::   
  
Nancy: ::watching:: This is sick.  
  
Fred: ::coming up behind Nancy:: But is it?  
  
Nancy: ::turning around:: Er…no. ::kisses Fred::  
  
~*~*~  
  
Professor McGonagall: ::angrily to Snape:: What the hell did you just do??!! This is a disaster! ::to Dumbledore:: You have to *do* something!  
  
Dumbledore: ::making out with Madam Pomphrey:: Oh, ho, ho, I'm definitely going to *do* something.  
  
Professor McGonagall: ::clutches head:: That…was disturbing. ::turns back to Snape:: Then *you* have to do something! This is an outrage! We can't have everyone being like this. It's not right! It's…er…it's fine…  
  
Snape: Mm – hmm ::embraces Professor McGonagall::  
  
~*~*~  
  
Lucius: ::chasing after Voldemort:: Master, what do you think you're doing, touching lips with that Muggle filth?  
  
Voldemort: Leave us alone, bag boy!   
  
Lucius: Master!  
  
Voldemort: ::to Petunia:: Don't listen to him, my love. He is a queer and we're always going to be together.  
  
Petunia: Voldemort, are you really a Dark Lord like you say?  
  
Voldie: Yes.  
  
Petunia: And you're really going to try to kill Harry?  
  
Voldie: Yes!  
  
Petunia: And then you will take me away and marry me?  
  
Voldie: YES!!!  
  
Lucius: This is disgusting. ::walks away::  
  
Draco: ::giving a backrub to Padma Patil::   
  
Padma: Yes, Draco. A little lower –   
  
Lucius: ::screams:: Draco! What the fuck do you think you're doing!  
  
Draco: Language, father. And I'm just giving my girl a backrub.  
  
Lucius: I forbid you to give her a backrub!  
  
Draco: Why?   
  
Lucius: Because – because – because backrubs are just wrong!  
  
Professor Sinstra: ::rubbing Lucius's shoulders::   
  
Lucius: Ooh, ooh, a little lower.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Hermione: ::walking past everyone as she tries to avoid George Weasley:: This is disgusting. It's blasphemy! And it's sick! ::screams:: Aah! Professor Sprout! Hagrid!  
  
Sprout: Do leave us alone, deary.   
  
Hermione: ::disturbed:: Er… right. ::spots Fred:: o_O   
  
::slow-mo, Hermione running towards Fred::   
  
Ron: What are you doing, Dear Brother? That's Hermione!  
  
Hermione: ::slaps Ron in the face::  
  
Ron: That was rude!  
  
George: So was that! You shouldn't talk about Hermione that way! Come on, let's go. ::puts arm around Hermione and starts to walk away::  
  
Ron: …  
  
Parvati: Oh Ron… Over here…  
  
Ron: o_O   
  
[Just then, a small secret passageway in the far corner opened up and in walked Argus Filch.] 


End file.
